How to Stop Letting Fear of Judgment Control Your Life (Ep. 6)

If you’ve spent years holding yourself back—biting your tongue, shrinking your truth, or second-guessing your choices because you’re afraid of what others might think—this episode is your permission slip to let that sh*t go.

We’re talking unfiltered truth about the fear of judgment: where it really comes from, why it shows up, and how it’s robbing you of your confidence, authenticity, and freedom. It’s time to stop people-pleasing and start living life your way.

🎧 In this episode, I share:

• Why fear of judgment is wired into us—and how to break that conditioning
• The three biggest lies you’ve been told about being judged
• How people-pleasing is sabotaging your authenticity
• Why being liked by everyone is not the goal (and never was)
• How to stop outsourcing your self-worth and build true confidence
• Practical steps to stop playing small and take bold action—even when it’s uncomfortable

Judgment is inevitable. The question is: are you going to let it control your life, or are you going to show up anyway?

👉 Hit play, take the challenge at the end, and tag @skymareesteele on Instagram to share what you’re finally giving yourself permission to do!

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FREE 3-Day Masterclass: From People Pleaser to Powerhouse

Break free from the 'Nice Girl' rules, set strong boundaries, and reclaim your power to achieve meaningful results in 2025.

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to Confidence Unfiltered. I'm your host, Sky Maree Steele, a clinical psychologist, business owner, A DHD, and recovering people pleaser. If you spent your life trying to keep everyone else happy while feeling like you're never quite enough, you're in the right place. Here we ditch the people pleasing, silence, the self-doubt, and have real unfiltered conversations about confidence, boundaries, and building a life that feels unapologetically yours. No fluff, no perfection, just raw, real talk to help you trust yourself, show up fully and own your dam power. Let's dive in. Welcome to another episode of Confidence Unfiltered. Today we are going to talk about the fear of judgment and how to actually stop caring what other people think, because if you're anything like me and you've grown up, maybe you're the people pleaser, maybe you're anxious, maybe you've experienced trauma. A DHD. Let's be real. How much of our lives have been spent holding ourselves back through fear of what somebody else is going to think? For me, it's always been worrying about I'm being too much, or I'm being stupid, or I'm gonna sound silly in the things that I say. You know, maybe for you, you didn't start that business or you didn't post that content, or you didn't make that decision that you really wanted to make because you're afraid of judgment. I know when I became a mom, it was this fear of going into the water of wearing my swimmers and having people see me and judge me and. It stopped me from doing so many things. You know, maybe for you, you've spent years making choices on what you think is acceptable to other people. Instead of focus what actually makes you happy and lets you the fuck up. Well, today I really wanna work on burning this fear to the ground because the truth is people, they're gonna judge you no matter what. So one thing I've had to learn, we may as well do what makes us happy. So this episode is all about strategy. To break free from the fear of judgment so that you can start living life on your terms, not someone else's expectations. Why do we actually care what people think about us? Well, here's the thing. At our core, it's actually human nature. We want to belong. We want to be liked. And if we can't belong, then we will forego that to fit in. You know, our survival instinct. Back in the day, the tribes fitting in, belonging, being part of a group meant safety. Rejection, people not wanting to be around you meant danger and ultimately death. And so we have this primal instinct to need to fit in, to belong. You know, when mammals, we live in pacs, we cannot survive on our own. But here's the thing. We have traded, as Brene Brown says, belonging for fitting in. Belonging. I am me and you accept me fitting in. I will accommodate who you need me to be. The other thing that has contributed to this idea of what it looks like to fit in is social conditioning. We have been taught since we were children, we need to seek the approval of our caregivers, our parents, our teachers, our peers. We rely on them to meet our core needs. And society tells us this is the ideal human, so you need to be like that, and then your needs will get met. What happens amongst all of those survival needs is that we develop a fear of rejection. We develop this feeling internally of like, I don't wanna be excluded, I don't wanna be criticized, I don't wanna be called out. I don't wanna be seen as different. I don't wanna be singled out. Right. There's this fear of being seen, of being rejected, and then people not liking you. But here's the problem. When we prioritize other people's opinions over our own, we actually, as I've mentioned, and I will flog this sentence, we start living a life for other people, not ourselves. And guess what? The most successful, the most confident people, the ones that you're reading the books about and trying to be like, they don't live for external validation. They have done the work internally and develop the muscle so that they actually get to choose the life based on what they want, not what's going to have them fit in. Now, there are three biggest lies that I think in regards to judgment. And I wanna talk to you about why these are actually bullshit. You know, the first lie is that people are always watching you and they're always judging you. Here's the actual truth. People are way too busy thinking about themselves and how you are perceiving them to actually fucking worry about you in the first place. You know how you analyze your own social media posts, your outfits, or the conversations. You are focusing on your shit just like everybody else. Everybody else is doing the same thing. They're focusing on themselves. So most people, most people aren't judging you. They are too busy worrying about what you think of them. The second lie that I hear is that if people don't like me, there is something wrong with me. Now, not everyone. Is actually meant to like you, and that's actually a good thing. Think about the people that you admire the most. Do they actually try to please everybody? Do they actually also have haters? Right? Do they let the haters stop them from being themselves? You know, the more you own who you are, the more you attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. You know, I have had to learn the hard way as the people pleaser that if everybody likes me, I'm actually doing something wrong. If everybody likes me, I am trading my authenticity for being fitting in, not belonging. And now I need you to hear that, right? If you are liked by everybody, you are trading off your authenticity, which means that you are not being yourself. Not everybody's meant to like you, and that is okay. It actually means you're doing something right now. The third lie, if I get judged, it means I failed. Well, here's your truth. Bomb judgment is proof that you are actually doing something bold, right? If somebody is having a comment or an opinion or a thought about you. It actually means that you are standing out, you're being yourself. You're rubbing up against people's edges, and that's not a bad thing. It actually says more about the other person and their opinion than it does about you. If no one is judging you, you are probably playing it really fucking small and really safe. You'll be judged no matter what you do. So why the fuck not do what makes you happy and lights you up? Here's the thing, like, cool, all right sky, it's okay to say and to know that we need to not worry so much about what people think, but what the fuck do we do? Like how do we actually navigate this because really worry and this perception of like, are people gonna like me? Am I gonna fit in? It is a universal problem. So the first thing I want you to do is identify who you are afraid of judging you, right? Whose opinions are you worrying about because it actually won't be everyone's. Are you holding back because of one particular person's opinion? Is it someone whose opinion you even respect? And so you wanna please that person because you want them to respect you all of the time. Are you thinking about like maybe it's someone who you've just met, like maybe it's the the boss at work or the new work colleague or the person going out on the date. And then I want you to think about for a moment, what is it about that person that I feel like I need their approval them to like me, like start gathering information. About where your trigger points are as to why you are not showing up as yourself. Because therein lies the internal work. Not everyone is gonna trigger you. So figure out who does. So you know, from that moment, instead of externally going, how do I please them? We internally need to do the work and go, how do I need to work on whatever's showing up for me so that I don't keep rubbing up against this edge? Here's the second step. Stop. Seeking approval from people who literally do not matter. You need to get clear on who are the people in your world, in your life whose opinions actually fucking matter, and anybody else's opinion. Fuck it right off. Right? If somebody doesn't pay your bills, then their opinion about your money probably doesn't matter unless it's your accountant. Listen to your accountant, right? I want you to think about if somebody doesn't truly know who you are, how relevant is their opinion? If somebody wouldn't support you at your lowest of lows, they actually then don't get to be with you in your highest of highs. So start checking in like this is your life. You don't need a permission slip to make the choices that you are making in your life. And equally though, if we are surrounding ourself with people that we are seeking approval from, that actually don't actually weigh in on our world, then we need to question ourselves and ask, is this actually our people don't like me problem? Or is this, I need to work internally on my self-esteem and my self-confidence problem? Now, the third step, start doing things that scare you. Right. It's almost like judgment exposure, right? The best way to stop fearing judgment is to literally put yourself in situations where you're at risk of it. It's like anything. You're not gonna build the muscle of being okay with judgment and people's opinion if you are never in the arena where people's opinion and judgment show up. So it might be that you get courageous and start posting something online. It might be that you start speaking up in conversations with friends or family or work colleagues. It might be that you actually start taking action and wear that outfit that you wanna wear. Go to the beach and fucking swim in your swimmers and don't put the T-shirt on, right. Go to the gym and just start working out like wherever you are, noticing yourself, avoiding doing something because of fear of judgment. That is literally where we need to lean in and do the work because he is the thing confidence. Okay. Confidence doesn't come from avoiding judgment. Confidence comes from proving to yourself that you can handle it. When we put ourself in the arena of life, we need to be mindful of two things. One is to put ourselves out there, to lean in, to notice the discomfort, and the second is to back yourself in the moment. Not retreating, not bailing out, like literally staying put in the discomfort, in the judgment, in the opinion, and doing it anyway. Okay? So in every podcast I give you a challenge. So this week's challenge is to literally stop playing small for other people. And what I want you to do is think about one thing, one thing this week. That you've been afraid to do because of judgment, and then I literally want you to go and do it. And again, if you want support, send me a message at Sky Marie Steele on Instagram. Let me know what is your one thing. Let me know when you do it right. Share a post and tag me in it so I can support you.'cause remember, the most confident people, they are not the ones who never get judged. They're the ones who get judged, but do not let anything stop them.