Perfectionism: The Silent Confidence Killer (Ep. 11)

Ever catch yourself putting things off until they’re “perfect”? Redoing work that was already fine? Or quietly doubting everything you do while pretending you’ve got it all together?

In this episode of Confidence Unfiltered, Sky 1unpacks the sneaky, soul-draining effects of perfectionism — the one confidence killer high-achievers wear like a badge of honour.

You’ll learn:

• Why perfectionism isn’t about high standards (and what it’s really about)
• How it keeps you stuck, small, and burnt out
• Signs you might be trapped in perfectionist thinking without even realising it
• Practical, doable ways to break free, build self-trust, and start owning your power — without the polished mask.

If you’re done hustling for your worth and ready to be powerful without being perfect, this one’s for you.

👉 Hit play, take the challenge at the end, and tag @skymareesteele on Instagram to share what you’re finally giving yourself permission to do!

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Break free from the 'Nice Girl' rules, set strong boundaries, and reclaim your power to achieve meaningful results in 2025.

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Transcript

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Welcome to Confidence Unfiltered. I'm your host, Sky Maree Steele, a clinical psychologist, business owner, A DHD, and recovering people pleaser. If you spent your life trying to keep everyone else happy while feeling like you're never quite enough, you are in the right place. Here we ditch the people pleasing, silence, the self-doubt, and have real unfiltered conversations about confidence, boundaries, and building a life that feels unapologetically yours. No fluff, no perfection, just raw, real talk to help you trust yourself, show up fully and own your dam power. Let's dive in. Welcome back to another episode of Confidence Unfiltered, where we ditch the people pleasing and finally start living life on our terms. I'm Sky Steele, mama four, clinical psychologist, and A DHD, and I'm here to talk all things confidence, self-acceptance, and doing things your own damn way. So in today's episode, we are going to talk about perfectionism, the sneaky little confidence killer that high achieving humans sometimes wear as a badge of honor. But guess what? Perfectionism is actually holding you back big time from living the life on your terms. If you other person who's ever said, I'm not ready yet, or You've started something a million times and never completed it. You've stayed quiet in meetings or you won't do anything until you're a hundred percent sure. Then this episode is for you. So let's get into it. So what is perfectionism really well, in actual fact, perfectionism a lot like people pleasing is actually a strategy that we've developed to have ourselves think that we are safe. In actual fact, it keeps us from living our life. So what do I actually mean by that? Well, perfectionism, it's not just about lacking things neat or having things a certain way, perfectionism runs deep. It is that eternal pressure to get everything exactly right. No mistakes, no mess, no vulnerability. And it often comes with fear. So the fear of if I'm not perfect, then people won't like me. If I'm not perfect, then it proves I'm not enough. If I'm not perfect, then people won't respect me. If I'm not perfect, then something bad will happen. Perfect has become a strategy to deal with childhood stressors, but as the adult perfectionism, it is killing you slowly. And let's be super clear. Perfectionism is not the same as having standards or striving for excellence. Striving for excellence and having standards is all about having confidence. It builds confidence. Perfectionism actually build your fear. It's that voice in your head that says things like, don't send that thing till it's perfect. You'll embarrass yourself if you get it wrong. You should be able to do more. Make sure you don't fuck it up. Any of that sound familiar to you? Here's the thing, high achieving people, they are so good at performing, at producing, at achieving that sometimes the world actually rewards perfectionism. You know the gold stars, the pat on the back, the good job, sometimes it's the promotion or the straight A's, but beneath that shiny surface of those rewards is an exhausted fucking human who is disconnected from themselves, quietly, doubting every single thing that they are doing. We've been raised in a world that has told us to be nice. Not be too loud. Make sure we look good, make sure we look competent. Make sure we never fail, and don't ask for help because people will see your vulnerability and your weakness. So we hustle for our worth, which means that perfectionism becomes our armor. It becomes the thing that we use to gain validation, to gain enoughness, to gain worth. But here's the actual truth. Perfectionism and its armor is actually so fucking heavy. It keeps us from showing up as ourselves. It keeps us from starting before we are ready. It keeps us sometimes from being real and sharing what's really going on, and that's why I call it the silent Confidence killer because it looks like you've got it all together on the outside. But on the inside, it feels like you are never enough. So let's break this down. Here are some of the signs of perfectionism that you might not even realize. So the first thing is that you procrastinate like a motherfucker. Things have to be perfect before you begin. Therefore, you actually never begin. You feel literally crushed by small mistakes. Like everything hits your heart and everything is personal, and you avoid situations or conversations where you think you've messed up. You redo things that were fine, like things that were actually okay in the first place. You do them over and over and over again to try and get 'em perfect and to feel like you are in more control. You fear being judged and you fear being found out because as we said, perfectionism doesn't mean you have your shit together. It means you'll think you are good at hiding, but there's this constant fear of people are gonna see that I'm not perfect. People are gonna see that I haven't got my shit together. People are gonna see all of the stories that your brain tells you. And the other problem with perfectionism, one of the biggest signs is that you overwork yourself. You over prepare and you overgive all of the time. Honestly, so many of us actually don't really where perfectionists because we are also people pleasers or high performers. But the reality is, is those three things can be so interlinked. So let's get real to the damage that people pleasing and perfectionism can actually pause. Perfectionism is telling you on the daily that you are only worthy when you do everything right and when that is your inner rule, when that is the compass that drives your day. You can never, ever relax. You are constantly monitoring, adjusting, holding yourself back, autocorrecting, criticizing like it's all the time, 24 7. Confidence. On the other hand, it's about self-trust. It's knowing that you can handle whatever comes up, but perfectionism, it doesn't let you trust yourself. It tells you that the only way you are ever going to succeed is to actually get it right. So here's what perfectionism does. It actually has you stay stuck. It has you play small, it has you hide behind preparation. It has you say no to things that scare you. It has you stop asking for help and it has you burn out. So that you don't get to enjoy your life. None of that is confidence. That is fear dressed up in a polished outfit. So how do we actually break free from perfectionism? So as usual, I wanna give you some practical ideas and mind shifting tips that you can start doing or practicing straight away. And these are things that helped me as I kind of move through this, people pleasing and this concept of like, everything needs to be right. So the first thing, and this was one of the hardest for me, but it's adopt the good enough mindset and the good enough mindset goes something like this. 80% is plenty, right? Your version of half, half-assed is actually someone else's, a version of actually fucking amazing. So get curious, like if you stopped at 80%, what would actually happen? What would people actually think? You know, how would you actually see yourself in regard to the standard that you hold yourself? And I can almost guarantee you that most of the time. When you adopt that good enough mindset and you are honest with yourself, good enough is actually way better than you ever thought it was. The other thing that I have done and I actually get my clients to do is actually practice imperfection on purpose. So send an email with a spelling typo. We are an outfit that isn't completely ironed. Speak up before you are ready, knowing that you might make a mistake, right, and learn that all of those things build resilience, that you get to do the thing without it being perfect. The second thing I want you to do is question the rule. This is not your rule, this rule about you have to get it right, you have to get it perfect. This rule was given to you. You do not have to keep it. I want you to start thinking about like, whose standard are you actually trying to meet? Is it actually yours? And what's the worst thing that could happen? If you weren't perfect? I guarantee you, you would survive way more moments than you give yourself credit for. And the fourth one, celebrate effort. Not outcome. Now this is an important one,'cause confidence grows when you notice your courage, when you notice your willingness to do the thing. When you applaud yourself for giving something a go, not necessarily nailing it, we get so caught up on the outcome. And if it goes well, and if I get it right, then I'm a good person. And if I fail, then I'm a bad person. That you kind of fucked because at some point in your life, you are not going to get it right, you are going to fail. So I want you to shift gears. Celebrate effort, not outcome, and surround yourself with people who value your realness. Not gain from your perfectionism'cause your community and the people that you have around you, it actually fucking matters. Being around people who embrace your mess, who embrace your mistakes, who see all of you as the magical person that you are without the perfectionism is what is going to support you in breaking this really shitty rule. So here's something I wanna remind you of before I go. You do not need to be perfect, to be powerful. You don't need to have your shit together all of the time in order to be worthy. You're actually just allowed to be the messy human and still take up space and not be perfect. Because perfectionism does not protect your confidence. It builds your fear and blocks your confidence. Confidence is going to come from showing up, from being seen, from trusting that no matter what happens, you will figure it out. So if this hits home today, if something in this episode resonates with you, I would love you to share with me on my Instagram at Sky Marie Steel. And if you are feeling that tug to finally stop living for everyone else and become powerhouse that you know you are, keep listening to these episodes because we are just getting started.